Dear God Why Are You Honking Your Horn!?

I think it’s time for another rant which is completely not connected to video games. No I would like to take a minute or five to talk about the car horn. It’s no doubt a useful invention, I don’t think anyone would deny that. However I’m concerned that today’s drivers are starting to abuse their horn honking rights and pretty soon we may have to take their horn privileges away unless they start to behave. Let me break it down with some examples.

Click on for the real rage/the rampant cursing.

Anyone who honks at pedestrians who are crossing at the right of way.

Yesterday there was an old lady, walker included, crossing an intersection with the Walking Man symbol. A car turning left sped into the intersection, came to a screeching halt right before the lady, and then just laid into the horn. I don’t mean a quick one, I mean a full on 5 or 6 second honk. I saw him doing it and he was fucking givin’ it. He laid right into that thing, arm stretched, leaned back, you know how it works.  When the lady was just enough out of the way, the car took off, probably missing her by maybe a foot.

As much as I wish that story ended with the car driving straight into a field full of land mines and dinosaurs, I can’t. I’m sure he went home and told his no doubt abused wife about how some old bitch got in his way while he was driving to the douchebag store or wherever.

Let’s sidetrack for a moment, doesn’t that make you angry? I mean think about anytime you saw someone being an asshole in public to someone who didn’t deserve it. The asshole in question no doubt told people the story later and made himself out as some kind of hero. I hope they have at least one rational friend there to kick them in the throat.

Anyway my point is fuck that guy. It’s bad enough when any car honks in that situation but it’s an old lady in a walker dude! You’re in a fucking car! You’re going to get to your destination far quicker than she is so cut her a break! I never even thought of the heart attack potential that situation held. If there’s any justice in the world, a lion is eating that driver right now.

Honking at situations that will never be resolved with honking

You ever see someone honk in a traffic jam? Or honk several times? Don’t you just want to knock on their window and ask “So…where do you think that’s gettin’ ya?” I really don’t understand it. I mean they can’t possibly think it will fix anything right? They don’t actually believe the other drivers will hear the honking and say “Uh oh, someone is upset. Come on everyone, let’s work together and make this right!” That’s some strange utopian world I would love to live in, although preferably without the honking guy. We can kill him once our eden has been established, then display him as a warning to others.

Same goes for anyone who honks at construction sites. The construction crew won’t hear you honk and say “Shut ‘er down boys! The man wants to pass!” Not long ago I saw a car, stopped at an intersection that was closed due to construction, just honking constantly. This was late at night, so nobody was around, and there were signs everywhere saying the road was closed. But he kept honking and honking and was still going when I had left the area. I haven’t been back to that intersection, so a part of me wants to believe he’s still there.

I don’t have a category for this one

I guess this sort of belongs in the previous category but it’s a story I want to tell and it’s also the main inspiration for this article.

Yesterday I was walking down a side street to get to work and a car had gotten stuck in a snow bank. The way the car was positioned made it tricky for other cars to get around (narrow street). Behind that car was a large van that had stopped to help. And behind that van, was a car with a driver constantly honking the horn. Those moving the car sort of mumbled about them but that was it.

You know what would resolve the situation faster than honking? BEING A DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEING AND HELPING OUT! Again, how how how how can that driver justify that? He could have easily turned around and went a different route, it wouldn’t have been hard. He also could have hopped out of the car and lent a hand. I can’t accept he didn’t think of those options, so what made him decide “I guess I’ll just honk”.

Oh and before you ask, yes I stopped to help push the car.

That’s all I have for now but as always please jump in and share your stories/thoughts about the use of a car horn.

In the meantime I think someone needs to get straight to work on a car that can detect when the horn is being misused. Then a huge boxing glove comes out of the wheel and hits the driver in the face. Or if we could program one of the foot pedals to come up and hit them in the genitals, that would be preferred. That one’s for free Toyota.