I Got Goosebumps Episode 3 - The Girl Who Cried Monster

The use of Cuckoo Clock of Doom for the second Goosebumps episode was a strange decision so going into the third I wasn’t at all sure what to expect. It turns out though, I actually remember The Girl Who Cried Monster, or at least the cover of the book. You can guess exactly how the story will play out based purely on that title, but it’s all about the execution and I’m happy to report this is an improvement over the last episode.

Here we have our lead girl Lucy, who we quickly learn loves to scare her younger brother. It immediately becomes clear why because if you also had a brother who was this cartoonishly large of a pussy, you wouldn’t be able to help yourself from messing with him either. She tells him this story about a monster who eats your toes, and she doesn’t even sell it well either, but this kid immediately looks like he is going to melt from sheer terror. He even continues to be scared by it after she openly admits she’s bullshitting him! Scaring him seems so easy that it doesn’t even look fun. There’s no challenge. You could be sitting across from him at the breakfast table and mutter “boo” and this kid would burst into tears and wet himself. They don’t give his age I don’t think, but he definitely appeared to be older than a fetus so there’s no way he should be falling for any of this. 

Lucy also has a best friend but I don’t remember his name because he serves absolutely no purpose to the story. Also, I don’t know if it was a problem with the audio on the copy we were watching, but this kid had the highest, Mickey Mouse-esque voice I’ve ever heard come out of a human being. It was like he had been sucking helium non-stop for years. We really only see him in a couple scenes. He walks home with Lucy from the library after school, but she has to go back because she forgot her “blades”, by which I’m choosing to believe are her swords. 

She apparently left her blades at the library three towns over because it’s pitch black by the time she gets there. The door is unlocked, which is interesting because her creepy, sweaty librarian is in there, blatantly being a monster. At first he appears to just be way into feeding his spiders, but then Lucy sees him transform into this yellow, bug-eyed goofy looking monster who starts devouring the crickets and laughing maniacally. The laughter struck me as odd. In the context of Lucy, and us, watching as an audience, the laughter is important so we immediately know he is way evil. But in the context of the story where he doesn’t know anybody is watching him, what the hell is so god-damn funny?

We know Lucy likes monsters because she makes a point of mentioning this every few seconds during the opening minutes of the show. So of course nobody believes her when she tries telling them her story (just like that other poor fucker who cried wolf). This is exactly why the password system I talked about in the last review is so important! She goes back to the library the following night to get proof. Here we are treated to literally the same transformation footage we saw in the last library sequence. The one big difference is that the sequence is capped with a surprisingly grotesque sequence of the guy consuming one of his spiders. The poor video quality hid the no doubt primitive effects though. 

Lucy quickly proves herself to be the most incompetent spy in existence as she takes his picture using a flash in a dark room. Needless to say he quickly spots her and she drops her backpack in the process. This leads to the best scene of the episode when he shows up at Lucy’s house to return the backpack. This is the patented Martin Lawrence “shit just got real” scene. He knows that she knows what’s up and clearly is there to murder her and her family. It’s not overly tense but it’s well acted and does contain a legitimately funny line of dialogue when Lucy calls out “Mom is Dad still cleaning his gun?” 

Lucy’s parents continue not to believe, even going so far as to invite the librarian to dinner in front of her. This was hilarious as the ultimate fuck you to their daughter, but then in a twist I remembered about two seconds before it happened, Lucy’s parents are actually monsters! After dinner they turn into snakes and eat the librarian right in front of their children, which in retrospect is kind of irresponsable. They then proceed to have a stilted, exposition heavy conversation with their kids about how they are all monsters and they didn’t believe Lucy because the idea of another monster out there was absurd (not sure why, their existence is pretty solid proof that monsters are real). It’s a conversation no human being would ever have since it’s simply them pointing out the obvious to each other, it’s only their for our benefit. Then it looks like they might eat Lucy’s best friend Captain Helium, but then they don’t. Credits! Wait...why was the brother such a pussy if he was in fact, also a snake monster?

So this episode ain’t bad. It’s certainly a huge jump in quality from The Cuckoo Clock of Doom. The acting is solid, and while the plot is largely predictable, the ending is a decent twist that perhaps doesn’t make sense in the overall narrative, but at least it’s something. The next episode is one I remember quite well so I think the quality train may just keep right on chugging.