Rogue Warrior - Xbox 360

I had not heard of this Rogue Warrior game until I saw it sitting on the shelf in Blockbuster. I’m not sure if it received any sort of buzz beforehand because it simply was not on my radar at all. From the box it looked like it could be a decent rip-off of the Punisher game so I figured why not, I’ll take a chance.

I am here to tell you not to make the same mistake I did. Rogue Warrior does not deserve a chance. No the only thing it deserves is to be ignored until it has no choice but to simply fade away and leave us all alone. 

Rogue Warrior is coming out at a time where it’s hard for even the good games to shine through. In the past few weeks we have seen all sorts of great games that are all equally worthy of our attention. Then we have this….thing. I have to be honest, everything about this game’s release confuses me. 

To start with, who is actually going to buy this? I mean if they had released it in the middle of Summer where nothing is coming out then maybe, MAYBE, they would sell a handful of copies. But this thing is coming out right on the heels of literally dozens of great games. So what chance does this game even stand? The only people who buy it I’m sure are either confused, drunk, or involved in some terrible dare.

What makes the notion of people buying the game even more baffling is the price. This game actually costs the full 60 dollars! Or 69.99 here in Canada. That is ridiculous! This may in fact be one of the worst value in the history of video games, and I paid 110 bucks for Mario’s Time Machine so you know I’m dead serious.

So what do you get for your 60-80 bucks? Well let’s break it down.

For starters, you get a single player campaign that is not fun. You play as Richard Marcinko (real dude), and if this game is an accurate portrayal of his life, Mr. Marcinko spends his days swearing and stabbing people in the face, usually at the same time. Now the basic premise of cursing and jamming knives into faces may sound like a decent time, somehow this game manages to muck it all up.

Stabbing people at first is kind of fun. These are essentially stealth kills that require you to get right up next to an opponent to pull off. However the fun kind of dies when you realize how little stealth is involved. Even if you run straight towards a bad guy who is staring right at you, all the while calling him a “fucking shitbag fuckgoat of a cocksucker”, you will still easily pull off the move.

Yes the AI in this game is that terrible. Bad guys take very little interest in you until you are shoving a knife into their stomach, and sometimes barely even then.

As stupid as the bad guys are, they are often pretty resilient. I’ve shot guys in the face upwards of 7 times and they just stumbled and kept going. At least I thought I was shooting them in the face. It can often be hard to tell since the shooting in this game is also quite awful. Most of the time you just shoot at guys and hope that the game will allow you to kill them. Needless to say this does not make for a rollicking good time.

The levels themselves are bland, linear and completely uninspired. It’s nothing more than running through a straight path and stabbing/hoping to shoot anyone who gets in your way.

One thing I’ve yet to mention is that our hero is actually voiced by Mickey Rourke. That has the potential for cool but Rourke sounds about as disinterested in the game as the player no doubt is.

At least the game does show signs of mercy because the entire single player campaign can be completed in about two hours. If you play on the hardest difficulty you can add in a bit more time because of the many “are you kidding me?!” style deaths you will no doubt endure. You will have absolutely no desire to play through the campaign again so once you’re done, you’re done forever.

Ok so what else do you get? Well, that’s pretty much it. Sure there is multiplayer. It’s ridiculously stripped down to only two modes, death match and team death match, but the multiplayer technically does exist. However good luck getting to “enjoy” any of it because a little under a week following the game’s release, I couldn’t connect to a single match. I tried in the morning, afternoon, and evening, but there was never any activity. I’ve heard that some people find a game that maybe has one or two other people, but that is all.

You can’t even use this game as a decent way to whore some achievements/trophies because at least half of them are connected to the multiplayer so unless you recruit some unfortunate people to help you acquire them, you will only walk away with a handful of achievements and an account that is forever stained with proof that you played Rogue Warrior.

So in our final recap, for your hard earned cash you get:

- A two hour single player campaign that is not fun in any way
- A bare bones multiplayer mode that nobody is playing
- A handful of achievement or trophies

As I mentioned, this is easily one of the worst video game values in quite some time and now I’ve used a bullet point list to prove it, so it might as well be science. I simply can’t imagine the thinking behind charging full price. I also feel bad because I know some people most likely got suckered in and paid that price. I’m gonna go ahead and predict this one is 20 bucks by mid-February. Stay far away!

UPDATE – Between completing this article and posting it, I discovered some sales figures for Rogue Warrior. This thing sold at least 20,000 copies! 20,000!!!! At full price, this game has officially earned over a million dollars! And that’s only in its first week of release, I’m sure these numbers are still going to go up. Now I have to go live in a cave forever because I can’t live in a world where Rogue Warrior sells 20,000 copies in a week. So thanks for that society.