Hide and Go Shriek was my white whale from back when I was collecting horror movies from the eighties. I knew it existed, I knew I wanted to get it, but I couldn’t find it anywhere and eBay prices were more than I was willing to pay (which was only like 15 bucks but you have to remember I was working part time at Harvey’s back then), so I never actually got it.
I am now the proud owner of a VHS copy of Hide and Go Shriek, another movie that was not lucky enough to ever make the journey beyond this format. I know I’ve seen people wondering about why it never did. I’m leaning towards the fact that it’s not a good movie.
Hide and Go Shriek (as crappy as the movie is, we all agree that’s an amazing title right?) is yet another example of people who are in their late twenties playing teenagers. Again is it so hard to go back to the script and change “high school” to “college”? It’s not important to the story, so why bother when it looks so fucking stupid? It’s also another example, and one of the best this month, of having unlikable assholes as your core group of characters. I hated all of these people the very second they appeared on screen. Their terrible jokes, their constant laughing at said terrible jokes, their grating over the top behavior, just everything about them.
If horror movies have taught us anything this month, it’s that kids in the eighties were real bored and liked to spend the night in strange, random places. Here unfortunately it’s not a carnival funhouse since that would actually be fun to look at. Here instead it’s a furniture store, because I guess there are beds where they can have the sex? And that’s exactly how they spend the first 30-40 minutes of this movie. Having sex, lying in bed, and playing a game of hide and seek. Oh and acting like fucking irritating 6-year-olds of course. It’s realllllllly boring. The only thing I will give some credit to here is the part where the guy and girl are lying in bed post the sex, and the covers are actually down below her boobs. Not because we see boobs, cuz who cares I’ve seen like fifty of them this month, but because that never happens in movies. The sheets are always at the guy’s waist and the girls’ neck, so kudos to Hide and Go Shriek for breaking down boundaries. I hope you enjoy it Hide and Go Shriekbecause I don’t think I’ll be giving you any more kudos beyond that.
So finally someone starts murdering these people and you’re super excited because that means they’ll probably stop talking. The killer here is at least unique in that he wears make-up, S&M clothing, and dresses up like the characters (male and female) after he kills them. Not sure how they keep falling for this, especially when he busts out his not at all convincing female voice, but we’ve established these people are fucking idiots so I shouldn’t be too surprised.
Aside from one moment involving an elevator (which unfortunately for this movie I have seen done better), the kills are mundane and most of them happen off camera. This is especially interesting because my copy says this is the unrated cut with “footage too shocking to show in theatres” so holy lord the theatrical cut of this must have been G rated because barely anything happens here.
The only other positives I can give this movie is that the killer reveal, as well as their motivation, is something I had never seen before, at least from a movie of this era, so that was at least interesting. Also the poor acting and terrible dialogue will give you a few unintentional laughs. My personal favourite is near the end when they believe that they have the killer tied up and one of them calls him a slimeball, but as he is walking away he turns back around and shouts “YOU SLIMEBALL!” Yea man you fucking nailed him.
Hide and Go Shriek’s greatest crime is that it’s boring. It has some unique ideas but most are in the last 5 minutes and the rest of the run-time is just spent watching these fucking clowns act like idiots. Sorry Hide and Go Shriek, you were not worth the wait, and I despise you even further for bringing this marathon to a close on such a low note.